My entire life was basically decided by my mother.

I don't mean this in the stereotypical angry teenager way that you're probably expecting. I've often wondered what would have happened if I had started kindergarten a year later. My entire life I've been one of the youngest in my class. I started kindergarten on my fifth birthday, (no, I didn't go to pre-K), and I graduated at age 17. I'm technically within the age group of the current seniors in high school. I'd be one of the older ones, but yeah.

When I think about this though...it amazes me. If I had started school a year later...I'd have a completely different group of friends than I do now. Things would have been totally and completely different, from day one. I would have never met my best friends. Hanna. Dalton. Kelsey. Shelbi. Well...perhaps I still would have met Shelbi. I'd like to think that I would have still been in band if I had started school a year later.

And this brings me back to my current predicament. So many people view grade level as "age." I bet he wouldn't think I was so old if I was a senior this year. Just because I graduated doesn't make me 19. I won't be 19 until next August. No matter what our grade level is, we will always be 2 years, 2 months apart in age. But I digress.

I cannot even begin to imagine my life without all the people that I've interacted with in the last 13 years. The only people that would still be in my life would be the band kids...I would hope. I don't even know why I'm thinking about this.

I have way too many "what ifs" in my head all the time. It's sorta unhealthy.

Then again...what if things would have been better off? If I had never met Dalton, maybe I'd actually have a healthy relationship life, and my morals wouldn't be so fucked up. I don't want to imagine my life without him though. He's my best friend...as fucked up as it is.

And...oh no. I don't even want to imagine my life without Hanna. I love that girl more than I love myself sometimes.

Sure, if I hadn't met all those people, I'd probably have other people in my life that filled those holes...because technically those holes would never even be there.

I'm depressing and confusing myself now. And I'm probably not making any sense. So I'm just going to leave it at that.

My point is...my mother pretty much unknowingly decided how my entire life would play out, just by putting me in school a bit early. Thank you, mother. Or...fuck you. Depending on which scenario would have worked out better.